Category Archives: NaBloPoMo2007

I don’t know why I say the things I say, but I say them anyway

Let's go home
Let’s go home, originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.

By Tuesday or so, I had already realized this week needed to be over. My GMail status:

Dear God: Please make it be Saturday already, because this week kind of sucks. Thank you.
Love, Yasminay

The responses were hilarious:

Anjum, channeling God:

Dear Yasminay,
*sigh*, I get this request every week from you.
and every week from about 64% of the world.
If I jump to Saturday for you,
what about when Anjum here (who is channeling Me) asks for teh same thing?
*the (yes, God makes typos.)
So Yasminay
all I can do is give you a big hug
and perhaps some chocolate
and that should keep you going til Saturday.
chin up, buddy boy.
Love, God.


ZMan, channeling God’s executive assistant:

Z: God doesn’t care about your week, okay
he told me he doesn’t
Yasminay: hahaha shut up!
Z: you’re actually telling God to shut up
which he clearly doesn’t have to do
he could make you shut up if he wanted
like in the matrix
just delete your mouth

HijabMan, with prayers of his own:

Dear God: Please let yasminay send me some questions
before saturday
so i have something to write about
thanks,
love
HM :)

And, in sort of related conversation with Z again:

Z: you know what i was just thinking
it’s really good that I have internet here
and it’s working (most of the time)
’cause a lot of my studying is online
makes me realize that God’s not such a bad guy after all
Yasminay: god is awesome
clearly
Z: in fact God is pretty freakin sweet
Yasminay: i got my new darren hayes cds from amazon
and there’s a song called ‘conversation with god’
i like!
Z: is there a lot of cussing?
Yasminay: not that i heard
hahaha
clearly, that’s not your or my conversation
Z: f*ck no it isn’t

The things He has to put up with from us… Good thing God has a sense of humor.

So, I’m taking the Mister from out in front of your name

From the Textures & Textiles set, originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.

I’m sitting outside the Nordstrom’s fitting rooms – impatiently checking my watch, hating the idea of being in that specific store, and waiting for my friend, N – when a guy settles into the armchair next to me with a loud, long-suffering sigh. I look over in amusement.

He catches my glance, and shakes his head. “These are the most uncomfortable chairs I’ve ever sat in.”

I shift in my chair, and reply, “You know, I just might have to agree with you on that one.”

“What do you think this fabric is?” he asks, pinching the armrest distastefully.

“Fake velvet?” I venture.

He guffaws. “It’s FELVET!” He shifts around uncomfortably in the unyielding chairs, then throws up his hands. “That’s it, I’m writing to Mr. Nordstrom about this! There must be a Mr. and Mrs. Nordstrom somewhere. Excuse me, Mister Nordstrom…

…Your chairs SUCK. You let me know how that goes,” I say dryly.

“I need to lodge a complaint with Mr. Nordstrom about these felvet chairs,” he says loudly, angling his head at the saleslady in the vicinity. She looks at him coldly, then returns to assisting her customers.

A woman I take to be his girlfriend comes out of the fitting room, wearing a long green skirt with ruffles at the hem. “That’s the most unNicole-like thing I’ve ever seen!” he says disparagingly. “You sure you want to get that? If you take it off and throw it on the bedroom floor, you’ll never see it again. It’s CAMOUFLAGE!”

After she leaves, he leans over conspiratorially and whispers, “What did you think of her skirt?”

“Not bad, actually. Better than the velvet any day.”

He nods approvingly, then flags down a woman passing by. “Excuse me, we’re talking about these chairs. They’re covered in…in…fake velvet. FELVET! What do you think of that? It’s ridiculous, don’t you think?”

The lady laughs, shaking her head. Other women peer over the nearby clothes racks, and chuckle at his loud proclamations as well. Even the frosty saleslady actually cracks a smile.

The girlfriend exits the fitting room, no green skirt in sight. The guy springs up, glad to be rid of the chair. He waves at us all, then swoops off with his girl, talking to her excitedly. His exiting shot, as we hear it: “It was FELVET!”

While I was trying to condense everything that I meant in a minute or less

Not "HOT," apparently
“Smug expression on the slightly bow-legged bull in center front,” originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.

While taking photos at Oakland’s Lake Merritt one gray afternoon, I zoomed in on this pier because I thought someone had spray-painted the word “HOT” on there, which I thought was the funniest thing in the world. Only when uploading the photos later did I realize that it actually says “AOT,” and I have no idea what the hell that means. Thanks a whole LOT for ruining my amusement, whoever you were.

[+]

The phone: Oh, how I hate it. But while I often cringe at having to call people, I love text-messaging as a form of communication. However, as Rockstar Extraordinaire, I have had to expand my phone’s vocabulary and add certain words to its repertoire, so that I don’t have to completely type them out every single time. Once, I tried typing CRACKHEAD, and the phone spit out SECONDODBTINO. Yeah, I don’t know either. Another day (and this mistake doesn’t even make sense), I tried to type GOES, and the cell phone came up with HEMP. Clearly, my phone is beginning to understand drug references.

Recently, I had to opt for “Add word:DAMN,” because I’ve been using it so often in text messages (for example, in regards to work-related evening meetings: “They damn well better have food there, is all I’m saying.”). I guess “damn” is an R-rated word for my phone.

Other vocabulary words of which my phone needed to be apprised: CRACKHEADED/CRACKHEADEDNESS, EDIBLICIOUS, VAT DIS DRAMA?, YAAR, VATEWER, FOBSTER, VAT USELESSNESS, LOWVE, HOLY FREAKIN’ SMOLEY, MON LAIVE, MUTHAFUCKLE.

How’s your phone’s vocabulary? Also, am I the only person who (besides my lapses into fobby-Desi vocabularly and sentence structure, of course) text-messages with perfect spelling and grammar, complete with precisely-placed commas (because to do otherwise would kill me)?

Brass Crescent Awards 2007

By the way, did you know that the nominations stage for the Fourth Annual Brass Crescent Awards is going on right now? Yeah, I’m kind of outta the loop these days, too.

It goes like this:
“The Awards will take place in two phases. First is the nominations phase, where readers nominate their favorite blogs in each of several categories. All submitted nominations will then be narrowed down to a maximum of five nominees per category, as selected by [Brass Crescent Awards] judges. We will then have the final voting round on [the Brass Crescent] site.”

* Nominations open Friday, October 26 to Friday, November 9, 2007 [that means tomorrow is the deadline for nominations]
* Polls open Friday, November 16 to Friday, November 30, 2007

Nomination categories:

- Best Blog
- Best Non-Muslim Blog
- Best Design
- Best Post of Series
- Best Ijtihad
- Best Female Blog
- Best Writer
- Most Deserving of Wider Recognition
- Best Group Blog
- Best MidEast/Central Asian & Best South/Southeast Asian Bloggers

You don’t have to be Muslim to nominate or vote. Check out the website for a detailed description of each of the categories. And then nominate your favorite weblogs. There are lots of rockstars out there.

Infiltration and brainwashing: You have a thousand serious moves

Chessboard (ii)
A chessboard awaits potential players in an Oakland park, originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.

The Lovely L Lady asked me this evening, “So, what do you do during this meditation?”

“Well. I just close my eyes and concentrate on dua [supplications] and dhikr and any other prayers I have memorized.”

“Oh, good,” she said in mock relief. “I thought maybe you’d gone and joined a cult, or something.”

[+]

How funny is it that, just a few days after I posted about my dinner/meeting at the Tandoori Cafe, I ran into one of the women at the Wednesday gathering tonight? They’re even infiltrating my meditation sessions now! The best part is, I couldn’t even be exasperated or annoyed. All I could do was throw my hands up in surrender, and laugh. Thanks, God; I always knew You had a sense of humor. Clearly, you’re the one winning in this sublime chess game we’ve got going on.