I don’t know why I say the things I say, but I say them anyway

Let's go home
Let’s go home, originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.

By Tuesday or so, I had already realized this week needed to be over. My GMail status:

Dear God: Please make it be Saturday already, because this week kind of sucks. Thank you.
Love, Yasminay

The responses were hilarious:

Anjum, channeling God:

Dear Yasminay,
*sigh*, I get this request every week from you.
and every week from about 64% of the world.
If I jump to Saturday for you,
what about when Anjum here (who is channeling Me) asks for teh same thing?
*the (yes, God makes typos.)
So Yasminay
all I can do is give you a big hug
and perhaps some chocolate
and that should keep you going til Saturday.
chin up, buddy boy.
Love, God.


ZMan, channeling God’s executive assistant:

Z: God doesn’t care about your week, okay
he told me he doesn’t
Yasminay: hahaha shut up!
Z: you’re actually telling God to shut up
which he clearly doesn’t have to do
he could make you shut up if he wanted
like in the matrix
just delete your mouth

HijabMan, with prayers of his own:

Dear God: Please let yasminay send me some questions
before saturday
so i have something to write about
thanks,
love
HM :)

And, in sort of related conversation with Z again:

Z: you know what i was just thinking
it’s really good that I have internet here
and it’s working (most of the time)
’cause a lot of my studying is online
makes me realize that God’s not such a bad guy after all
Yasminay: god is awesome
clearly
Z: in fact God is pretty freakin sweet
Yasminay: i got my new darren hayes cds from amazon
and there’s a song called ‘conversation with god’
i like!
Z: is there a lot of cussing?
Yasminay: not that i heard
hahaha
clearly, that’s not your or my conversation
Z: f*ck no it isn’t

The things He has to put up with from us… Good thing God has a sense of humor.

21 thoughts on “I don’t know why I say the things I say, but I say them anyway

  1. yu know, sometimes it seems like God’s sense of humor is a little *too* good and I think he’s just trying to f*ck with me. but then I realize that there’s a subtle wisdom behind his humor and once I figure that out I’m like “ohhhhhhhhhh…good one, A-dawg!”

  2. fathima,
    I’ve been loving all these comments from you today! So much fun to scroll through. Thanks for taking the time, buddy. =)

    ZMan,
    Oopar paanch, A-dawg!”
    PS: Do you think, if we ever make it to jannah, God will accept highfives in heaven? Because I think that would be so awesome.

    Bean,
    Too much fun. =) I’m gad you were amused!

  3. Me too, Bean. Me too.

    Yaz, if I ever go to Heaven (Which God willing I will), I’ll be too busy drinking from the Prophet’s hands SAWS to worry about high-fiving A-dawg. But they say Heaven is the one place where one is free of all wants, so possibly I can do both at the same time. Say Ameen to that. But silently.

  4. SILENTLY i say. If there’s one thing I don’t want it’s to be sitting in a deep dark cavern having snakes and rocks thrown at me AND SHAITAN BHAI POKING ME IN THE ASS WITH HIS PITCH FORK

  5. i just saw this post on saturday morning, and was wondering why you hadn’t said anythign bck from my channeling God. that kinda thing doesn’t happen every day, you know. :) but now i know why!

    and dude, who IS this z-man? i am highly intrigued.
    mostly by the last lines of his conversation snippets!

  6. Anjum me love,
    I was in a meeting when you IMed me channeling God, and I had a good laugh when I came back to my desk, I can tell you THAT. But I think you had signed off by then, and I figured I’d just share the amusement on the veblog, since the rest of the world would enjoy it as well. Thank you, yaar! =)

    ZMan, is my buddy on crack. Perhaps, he’ll come back and do a little intro for himself. I shall let him know he has a fanclub!

  7. I am too busy for a fan-club. I am too busy bringin’ relation back…YEA! (You’ll only get that joke if you go or have ever gone to “lowischool,” AND if you have a modicum of knowledge of pop culture. To my knowledge, of the regular readers of this weblog, this includes but is not limited to: (a) Baji, and (b) 2Scoops.

  8. ego-boost from the shout-out but now feeling deflated b/c although i meet both of the elements, i can only identify the pop culture one. ‘relation’? i guess i’ve forgotten much of law suckool which can only be considered a good thing. have to make room in my brain for things such as which train to take in the morning, what time ‘heroes’ comes on, and JT lyrics.

  9. Responses of Z M to First Set of Interrogatories:
    1. The Red Line to Foggy Bottom
    2. 9pm after House MD
    3. “I’m bringin relation back….yea!”

    I hereby testify that the above responses are not necessarily true or verified. YOU HAVE BEEN SERVED.

    (Relation back i.e. the ability to amend a complaint after the statute of limitations for the original cause of action has expired.)

    Sorry Yaz!

  10. ummm, i’m pretty sure that you serve the interrogatories but not the responses. then again, see above.

    wait, zman, are you in DC? also, red line is atrocious – always breaking down or having ‘speed issues’ which are highly suspect. green/yellow is the way to go! also, how can i watch ‘house’ when ‘aliens in america’ is on at 830? also, thx for the refresher! “i can barely recall but it’s all coming back to me nowww” (shout-out to hijabman who favors this banshee’s songs).

  11. Baji

    The above served Responses are in response to your Implied Interrogatories of Nov 19, 2007 at 6:33 am.

    I am not in DC; however, I was for one summer.

    As for your third question, very easily. If you don’t, Dr. House just may come to YOUR house and force you to drink for his “experiement” without so much as obtaining your informed consent. Do you want that? I don’t think you do :-)

    Please let me know if I can assist in any way.

    Very truly yours,
    Z-Man

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