Originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.
The following email came straight to my inbox this afternoon:
Everett High School
Message sent - 1/18/2007
Hello, this is EVERETT HIGH SCHOOL calling to notify you that your child, BETHANY, was absent from EVERETT HIGH SCHOOL on 1/18/2007 for periods 1, 6. In order to waive an absence the parent/guardian must submit a waiver application form with appropriate documentation attached. Thank you.
First of all, I never knew that I had a daughter named Bethany all along. Seriously, why does no one tell me things? Secondly, BETHANY? She’s probably blonde. I bet she’s on the cheerleading squad, too. Clearly, Bethany did not inherit any of my genes. Finally, the hell was Bethany doing, skipping class during periods 1 & 6? (I like to think she inherited some of my genes by sleeping in through period 1 and sneaking off-campus for lunch during period 6.)
Maybe I should ask Bethany if she could teach me how to dance…in return for signing her waiver application form for periods 1 & 6.
PS: Everett High School is in Michigan. It’s hella freakin’ cold in Michigan, I hear. If I had a daughter named Bethany, Bethany and I would not be living in Michigan. I think we just might live in the UAE instead, where apparently it’s sunshine-y and warm year-round.
PPPS: Most importantly, those are my nieces, pictured above. They are also rockstars. You can see some of their silliness in action - on the same day as the above photo - here.